A Note to My Sons: Of Mustaches and Men

Through my Audible membership, I'm listening to The Great Bridge: The Epic Story of the Building of the Brooklyn Bridge by David McCullough. I'm all over anything David McCullough writes and having words like "Great" and "Epic" in a title make it a done deal. I look forward to the day when I can go back to NYC and re-visit the Brooklyn Bridge. I've been to it once, but I can tell you, after reading about it,  I will appreciate it in a whole new way.

Recently, I heard a couple of sentences from that book that made me think of my boys.

October 2013: Hannah's wedding

They are men  (Luke's 25 and David's 21), but I still call them my boys. Mother's prerogative, right?

The sentences from The Great Bridge that stopped me described a George McNulty, and after googling his name and the words "ablest men on the job," the following page magically appeared on my screen.  I put a blue box around and underlined in red the section that impacted me. (I'm not sure what the yellow highlighted words are about.)

When I heard those words about the not yet thirty George McNulty, (my boys are not yet thirty, too), I stopped the audio, and replayed it a couple more times. 

Then I thought/prayed/whispered the following for my boys:

Lord, may my boys be known as "unquestionably one of the ablest men on the job" whatever job they do. Let this be said about them because they are this kind of man.

It's a mother's hope, prayer and blessing, all wrapped up together.

Followed by and also wrapped up in this, was a little humorous reminder for this mama.

McCullough mentioned that “McNulty…managed to grow an imposing handle-bar mustache.” While neither of my boys have grown that, it’s not because they couldn’t. They’ve both been blessed with their father’s good gift of beardicus plenticus and have proven that fact over the years.

Luke: 2014

David: 2014

Those two used to look like this:

David and Luke: 1996

Not anymore.

My two boys can grow facial hair. It may seem silly, but God used George McNulty's imposing handle-bar mustache to remind me of a simple fact.

My boys are men.

Men I love and pray for.

I'm praying that they are the ablest of men.

A Note to My Sons: Rush to Help

The first call I got from our 18 year old college freshman on Saturday made her dad and me smile and shake our heads at the folly of the young.

At 3:30 p.m., she called to tell us she and a couple of her University of Arkansas friends were already in line for the 7:00 p.m. "Battle of the Boot" game between the Razorbacks and the Tigers of LSU. She was pumped because, the way it looked then, they had a really good chance of being on the front row of the student section.

Since I knew the thermometer was hovering around freezing in Fayetteville, I did my mom thing and asked if she was dressed warm enough. She sent me the following picture as proof she was. 

She ended by reminding us to watch for her when the ESPN cameras scanned the student section. She'd have a good chance for a couple of seconds of fame since she was on the front row. 

About an hour and a half later, she sent another picture showing that, yes indeedy, she was on the coveted front row of the student section!

That's a sturdy looking railing there...

Kelsey and our Elizabeth

This was a big game. The Razorbacks were looking to break a 17 game SEC loosing streak with a win over LSU. The crowd was excited and hopeful.  I texted our 21 year old David, who is a junior there, and asked if he was at the game. Here's our exchange.

As you can see, he wasn't on the front row. He was a long way from his sister. 

My Lou and I settled in to watch the game from a comfortable couch in front of a warm fire in our family room. We rooted for the Hogs and replayed on slow motion any scanning of the student section hoping to get a glimpse of our front row girl. That never happened, but our excitement grew as the clock ticked and it looked like the losing streak was going to be broken. In the final minute of the game, when we knew it was in the bag, it suddenly occurred to me that the U of A student section was probably going to storm the field. 

And one of my babies was in the front row. 

Now if you've ever watched a student section storm the field on T.V., you know how fast and furious that is. I've always watched with interest and a little fascination at that whole phenomenon. I've also felt for those in authority at those events and can only imagine their frustration at a crowd out of control. But I've never seriously considered the danger to life and limb that happens at that moment - until the last minute of the game I watched on Saturday.

As we sat there, I don't remember my exact words, but I prayed out loud something to the effect of: "Oh Lord, please keep our Elizabeth from getting hurt."

The game ended and the storm began. It looked innocent enough. Lots of fans running and jumping up and down and cheering. Lots of smiling faces. We watched a little while longer, but were soon busy with other things. I honestly didn't give the storming of the field much more thought.

Then, about an hour later, Elizabeth called again.

"I almost died tonight."

Not really, but kind of.

Then she relayed the excitement of the final seconds of the game that was soon followed by fear and near panic as the game ended. She said it was surreal. As the seconds ticked down, there was a forceful and completely unavoidable surge on her and over her. It was so strong that the metal fence between her and the field leaned forward and gave way as the storming student section leaned and pushed and ran onto the field. She sent me this Vine (posted by Johnny Lombardi) of the madness:




It's a miracle someone wasn't seriously hurt.

Here's what was left of those sturdy metal barriers.

She said she was on the ground screaming and people stepped on her as the "storm" rushed the field. And then  - a Knight in shining armor - or more accurately, in Razorback Red  - stopped, yelled for people to stop and did his best to shield her from the crowd. He grabbed Elizabeth under her arms and helped my girl to her feet.

I wish I knew who he was.

Elizabeth says she didn't know who he was and after he helped her up and down onto the field, he was gone. He went back toward the collapsed rail to help others. I'm so very grateful for a guy who will stop to help when someone is in need.

I know our David, had he been anywhere close to that front row, would also have been on the scene to help. No one can foresee how such an event plays out. He was as helpless as I was. By the time he was at the railing, all were up and on the field. Hindsight is always 20/20.

But now we know.

I know I will forever be grateful to that young man who stopped to help my daughter. Lots of other "men" rushed on by, ignoring the cries of a girl being trampled. He didn't. I wish I could thank him. I wish I could call his parents to tell them how grateful I am for their son.

I know that I want my boys - my Luke and David - to do the same as this young man did whenever they witness someone in distress.

Stop, drop, and help.

Stop to help those in need.

When they were growing up, we first began this kind of discussion in relation to their sisters. We told them they were to do all in their power to care for, help, protect, and defend their sisters. We told them the story of the HMS Birkenhead where the call, as the ship was about to go down in shark infested waters and lifeboats were limited, was, "Women and children first to the lifeboats!"

That's what men do. They sacrifice for their women. We wanted our boys to hear this, know this, and do this.

I expect them to. On Saturday, our unnamed knight was wearing Razorback red. I don't really care what color my boys wear. My prayer is that they are Knights who are always ready and willing to rescue.

Thankfully, neither Elizabeth or any of her friends were seriously injured. Thank you, God for this mercy. They did suffer (are suffering) from bruises courtesy of the metal fence that they were pushed against and went down with. Pretty. Darn. Scary.

If I think about it too much, I can feel myself getting stressed about what could have happened. That does no one any good, though, so I try to bounce those thoughts away as quick as they come.

The University of Arkansas is thinking about this whole ordeal, also. We read today about a whopping $25,000 fine handed down by the SEC for that little hazardous celebration. I hope other colleges take note of that and avoid the dangers as well as the dollars.

I know I've titled this post "A Note to My Sons." But it just occurred to me that there's someone else who might need to take note of this post.

She's a cute little college freshman who may need to think twice about where to sit and where not to sit at big rivalry football games. I'm thinking the front row is not such a good idea...

A Note to My Sons: Future Father's Days

We celebrated Father's Day yesterday.

Since my dad has been gone 10 years now, I spend my Father's Days remembering and celebrating. I remember the good man my dad was and celebrate the good man I'm married to and who is the father of our children. And, I do like many in the Facebook world do, and post something about a father.

August 1, 1987

Obviously a few years old, but one of my favorite pics of Lou with the kids

The posts on fb on Mother's Day and Father's Day are somewhat predictable, but that predictability does not lessen their importance. Hopefully, we are telling those near and dear people how important they are more frequently than once a year, but at least we do it then! Because one of my major identities and roles in this life is as a mom, I couldn't help but think of my two boys, who may someday be husbands and fathers, Lord willing. I found myself praying that when that time comes, their wives and their children would write about them some of the many heartfelt words I read on my timeline yesterday. I'm including just a smattering of those posts I read from Father's Day 2014 below.

I doing that because those posts prompted me to pray for my two boys/men.

Is it premature to pray these kind of things for those who aren't married yet?

I don't typically pray for their future in quite such a specific way. The current day's issues provide more than enough to pray about, don't they? But God directed my heart differently on Father's Day. So, I ran with it. They are my heart's desires. God tells us in Psalm 20:4 - "May he grant your heart's desire; may he bring all your plans to pass!"  I see my words not only as prayers, but also as blessings on them.

"Thanks for being a fun, loving and supportive dad. There is never a dull moment with you. Love you!"
Lord, may Luke and David be fun, loving and supportive dads. May laughter ring through their homes.

"Happy Father's Day to my awesome husband and my wonderful father. You are both wonderful fathers and my children are so blessed to have you in their lives!"
Lord, may Luke and David be awesome husbands and wonderful fathers. May their wives and children say they are blessed to have them in their lives.

"Beyond blessed that my kids get to call this guy daddy!"
Lord, may Luke and David's wives write this about them someday.

"Thankful for wise, steady, faithful Dads in our lives. Forever blessed."
Lord, may Luke and David be wise - may they be saturating their lives in your word even now. May they be rocks that their wives and children can lean on and run to when the hard times come. May they be faithful to their wives and faithful to their children even now - with their eyes and with their lives. 

"Happy Father's Day to my favorite guy and the only one crazy enough to journey through parenthood with me! We are grateful for your love and leadership in our home..."
Lord, may Luke and David find wives that embrace the craziness of life. May they love, laugh, cry and pray with someone who seeks you with all their heart and soul and mind. May my boys seek you with all their heart and soul and mind. May they lead on their knees.

"I am so very grateful for my dad. One of the best men I know."
Lord, may Luke and David be known as good men because they are good men - like their dad.

"My Daddy has been a Godly example of how a father should train up his children. I love you, Daddy, and I thank God for you."
Lord, please, may Luke and David be Godly. May they train up their children in the way they should go. May their wives and children say with full hearts, "I love you, Daddy, and I thank God for you."

This mother certainly says, with a full heart, "I love you, Luke and David, and I thank God for you."

David and Luke

A Note to My Sons - Lessons from Taylor Swift

I am 51 years old and I love Taylor Swift.

My whole family loves her too. Even my boys, now 23 and 19, have been heard humming a T. Swift tune.

God has gifted her as a songwriter, and she is happily (and profitably) sharing that talent with the world. She just captures the ecstasy and angst of young love, doesn't she?

Her latest album Red, has one song that I especially like, "Begin Again." It's beautiful and haunting and hopeful.

I'm including all the lyrics to the song below, but there are a few specific lines that, when I heard them, I thought, "I hope Taylor Swift could have written that about my boys."

Begin Again

Took a deep breath in the mirror

He didn't like it when I wore high heels

But I do

Turn the lock and put my headphones on

He always said he didn't get this song

But I do, I do

Walked in expecting you'd be late

But you got here early and you stand and wave

I walk to you

You pull my chair out and help me in

And you don't know how nice that is

But I do

And you throw your head back laughing

Like a little kid

I think it's strange that you think I'm funny cause

He never did

I've been spending the last 8 months

Thinking all love ever does

Is break and burn and end

But on a Wednesday in a cafe

I watched it begin again

You said you never met one girl who

Had as many James Taylor records as you

But I do

We tell stories and you don't know why

I'm coming off a little shy

But I do

And you throw your head back laughing

Like a little kid

I think it's strange that you think I'm funny cause

He never did

I've been spending the last 8 months

Thinking all love ever does

Is break and burn and end

But on a Wednesday in a cafe

I watched it begin again

And we walked down the block, to my car

And I almost brought him up

But you start to talk about the movies

That your family watches every single Christmas

And I want to talk about that

And for the first time

What's past is past

And you throw your head back laughing

Like a little kid

I think it's strange that you think I'm funny cause

He never did

I've been spending the last 8 months

Thinking all love ever does

Is break and burn and end

But on a Wednesday in a cafe

I watched it begin again

But on a Wednesday in a cafe

I watched it begin again

As you probably figured out, I highlighted the lines that hit me - and in different colors. I did that so I could get all fancy and match the lesson I saw to the highlighted words above.

Yellow: Be on time. Please be on time. Nothing says my time is more important than yours than making people wait on you. Better yet, adopt your grandfather's practice of "Never later than 5 minutes early." If you say you're going to be somewhere at a certain time, be there.

Green: Be a gentleman. Honor the girls you are with. It's the right thing to do and it never goes out of style.  They are somebody's daughter and somebody's sister. Think about how you want the guys who take your sisters out to treat them.

Orange: Be unself-conscious. Be natural and genuine. Be real. And, really listen to people. Think more about what they are saying than what you are going to say in response. And, when they say something funny, throw your head back and laugh like a little kid!

Aqua: Be protective. Call me old fashioned, I don't care. Walk a lady to her door or her car - where ever she happens to be going, see her there safely.

Now, I know my boys have heard all this. And, I'm hoping they already do all of this. But just in case they've forgotten, and because I love them, I'm taking the opportunity to remind them! And I'm smiling thinking about how Taylor will remind them every time this song plays on the radio!

Oh wow, Taylor. When you wrote this song, you had no idea a midwest Mom would write such a post. And boy oh boy, do I sound like a mom in those "Be" statements above.

But that's what I am. A mom who loves her sons and aches for them - prays for them - to be real men. Men who care for and honor the young women they know and date.

Luke and David - as little kids