Tossing and Turning

I had a tough, tough time getting to sleep last night. My body started out still, but ended up tossing and turning. It was the life I was attempting to live as my head lay on that pillow. It wasn't still. It was moving along at light speed.

I was thinking about:

-the wedding plans that need to be made between now and a March 13 wedding day.
-relationship stuff between me and people.
-relationship stuff between my kids and people.
-how dirty my house is and how much it needs cleaning.
-how sweet our time over Christmas was.
-how hard our time over Christmas was.
-how I need to lose weight before I buy a mother-of-the-bride dress.
-how I need to balance the check book and pay bills.
-prayers I'm praying for those I love.
-how sometimes life events turn out better than expected.
-how sometimes life events turn out worse than expected.
-how sometimes life events blindside you.
-how if I trusted God like I should, I wouldn't have issues getting to sleep.
-the attributes of God because I was having trouble falling asleep.
-how I needed to stop thinking about everything so I could fall asleep.

You get the idea. I don't remember the last thoughts I had before sleep eventually and, thankfully, came. The last time I looked at the clock, it was 1:15.

At 6 a.m., when I came into the kitchen this morning and Lou and I chatted about how we slept, I told him about my night. I also told him that today I was going to spend extended time calendaring and making lists of all that needed to happen over the next months so I could get a handle on things.

I then poured my coffee and sat down to meet with God. I opened my Bible Gateway tab like I always do and this was the Verse of the Day:





A lump rose in my throat and I thanked God.

He is faithful to help. He is faithful to his word. 

One step at a time. 
Coming to him. 
Doing the next thing. 
For His glory and my joy.
He will give me what I need.

My Tribe's Vibe: Last 31 Days Post

Dear kind reader,

I'm done.

If my Lou's grandmother were alive, she'd correct me with, "Cakes are done. People are finished."

Haha. Ok. That too.

This is the last of My Tribe's Vibe: 31 Days. Thank you, thank you, for stopping by this month. Your kind words of encouragement and "Likes" on my fb page mean more than you know.

As I've contemplated how to tie this up, I Corinthians 13, the famous Love chapter, keeps coming to mind.

Because, in the end, in all we do, it matters that we love.

My former pastor defined love as "doing what is best for someone in the long run." I think that's pretty spot on. Maybe contemplating that sentence and reading through I Corinthians 13 on a regular basis would help me keep my focus where it needs to be. It'd help me keep my prayers where they need to be.

Because, I can have every "policy" and have been as proactive as I know how to be, but if I don't have love, I am a noisy gong and clanging symbol. I am nothing. And I do not want to go there.

But I do want to tell you who has loved me very well during this last month. There are only 2 who now hang out with me on a daily basis.

Mary Grace and Lou

This pair has taken up so much slack this month. I'd say, "I have to go get this blog done," and disappear for a while, and they'd do what I didn't have time to do. They've encouraged me, stayed up late with me, and humored me during this 31 day marathon. Thank you, Lou and Mary Grace.

Also feeling very thankful to God for the gift of my Tribe. Sometimes I am overcome with how much I love these 7 people (now 8, with our Hannah's dear Alex!).  They know me like no one else does on this planet, and they still love me.

I am blessed.

(For the list and links to all 31 posts, click here.)

Gonna end with some of my favorite pictures of the Tribe :)

My Tribe's Vibe: On Tiptoe

Of late, I've had a prevailing picture in my mind,

and a prevailing prayer on my heart. 

Lord, help me to be standing on tiptoe today - eagerly waiting, eagerly watching, eagerly listening - ready to see what you're gonna do next.

I've spent time this month looking back and thinking about the vibe associated with my tribe. It's been a sweet journey for me, and I hope, a helpful one for some of you. :) As wonderful as looking back and remembering is, it's not where we are to spend the majority of our time. 

We glance back and praise God for his faithfulness to us, but then, we look up, look forward and get on our tiptoes - ready and expectant - for what God is going to do today in us, through us, to us, and for us. 

“Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose” (Philippians 2:12-13).

Some of what will be the fulfilling of his good purpose will be easy and labeled blessing - an easy grace. Some of what will be the fulfilling of his good purpose will be hard and labeled suffering - a hard grace.

But in either case, God, who is completely trustworthy, works in us, and that is powerful, purposeful and eternal. 

It is not for nothing.
It is worth standing on tiptoe to see.

My Tribe's Vibe: Unfiltered

"I like your email." 

Those were my husband's words to me early this morning. He had just seen the one I wrote and the recipient's reply. They both had to do with a frustrating situation we are dealing with.

My response to my hubby was, "I was very nice."

As soon as I said that, I thought about this blog post and my prayer emphasis and how we don't have to be very nice when we pray.

The email Lou complimented was nice, but it was completely different than the one I really wanted to write. That one needed filtering before it reached the intended recipient.

Thankfully, our prayers don't need filtering. They don't need to be "nice." God knows exactly how we feel and think and invites us in Psalm 18 to cry out to him.

In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears.

And in Job 7:11...

“Therefore I will not restrain my mouth;

    I will speak in the anguish of my spirit;

    I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.

In my journals, I've found a few of those unfiltered prayers. Most are too personal to share here. But I am sharing one (after blacking out some irrelevant words and a child's name) because I know I cannot be the only mom who has had these thoughts and cried out to God for help. Maybe you need to hear that you are not alone.

November 12, 2002

I'm hurting with the kids right now. It seems they are not thoughtful to each other. I rebel against this sibling rivalry. I also feel they are not as respectful toward me as they should be. Do I drive them to it? Am I a nag? I feel like if I'd done everything like I was supposed to, then they wouldn't rebel. ______ sometimes looks at me like I'm from outer space. Please Lord, draw the hearts of my children to each other and to Lou & me.


Maybe you also need to hear that God will help you through these kinds of hard. He is a great big God who loves His children. So don't hesitate to pray. 

Pray unfiltered. 
Pray real.

He likes those kind of prayers.
And, He will help.

My Tribe's Vibe: Other People to the Rescue

Prayer is hard for me. 

I have good intentions, and then I get distracted. Most mornings, I get up in time to spend quality time praying and reading my Bible, but some of those days, I spend a chunk of that time checking twitter, Facebook, and the news instead. 

So frustrating. Not because it's a sin to check the news, twitter and fb, but because of timing. Time I've designated to spend doing one thing, I waste doing another. I'm choosing to play with mudpies in the slums when a holiday at the sea is offered.**

So, one of the reasons prayer is hard is distractions.  

Another reason it's hard for me is that sometimes, I don't know what to say. 

I mean, I do know what to say, but I can start praying and I end up saying the same things. Even though I mean what I'm saying, sometimes, it just doesn't feel "fresh."

When this is the vibe I've got going, I do a couple of things, but I'm only going to talk about one of them today.

I pray other people's prayers.  

Have you ever tried this? It can be so powerful.

Maybe you're thinking that praying someone else's prayer means that your prayer won't be genuine, because you didn't think up the words. I guess that would depend on what prayer you are praying! I have found a couple of prayers, that when I read them, everything in me went, "Yes! Yes!" These prayers say what my heart's cry is. I haven't arrived where these prayers are, but it's what I ache for. 

I had forgotten about this first one until I found it in one of my journals when I was looking for material for this week's posts. I'm glad I found it.

So powerful.

Cursive translation:

Powerful Prayer

       by A.W. Tozer in The Pursuit of God

Father, I want to know thee, but my cowardly heart fears to give up its toys. I cannot part with them without inward bleeding, and I do not try to hide from Thee the terror of the parting. I come trembling, but I do come. Please root from my heart all those things which I have cherished so long and which have become a very part of my living self, so that Thou mayest enter and dwell there without a rival. Then shalt Thou make the place of thy feet glorious. Then shall my heart have no need of the sun to shine in it, for Thyself wilt be the light of it, and there shall be no night there. 

                                                               In Jesus' name,

                                                                          Amen

The second prayer I want to share I heard about from Elisabeth Elliot, who copied Betty Scott Stam's prayer down when she was a young girl. I copied it into the flyleaf of my Bible in 2005.

 Betty Scott Stam's Prayer

        "Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept thy will for my life. I give myself, my life, my all utterly to thee to be thine forever. Fill me and seal me with thy Holy spirit. Use me as thou wilt, send me where thou wilt, work out Thy whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever."

Tomorrow, I'm hoping the distractions aren't distracting. 

And tomorrow, I'm praying those two prayers.

**“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” 

C.S. Lewis

To end, I'll include four books of prayers that I use off and on to help me pray for those I love. 

My Tribe's Vibe: My Go-To

This one is with me for as long as God gives me a mind to think with and I'm alive on this earth.

And it's as easy as A-B-C.

-This is my go to when I can't fall asleep at night, or when I wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep.
-When I'm so stressed I feel like my heart might beat out of my chest, I do this.

And did I mention, it's as easy as A-B-C?

I recite/pray the attributes of God using the letters of the alphabet.

I first heard about this when I used this book while we were homeschooling. 

It is an amazing book, and one I would highly recommend using with your 7, 8, 9, or 10 year old child even if you hate homeschooling! It teaches such high, true things about our great God. You could do it around the table after the evening meal, or with your children before bed. So, so good.

The table of contents looks like this:

These are the first attributes of God I ever associated with the ABCs. My children used to be able to recite the list from memory. I'll have to ask the only one left at home if she still can ;). 

Anyway, sometime after this, a good friend mentioned that when she was having one of those days when everything seemed to be coming apart at the seams, she would stop and go through the attributes of God using the letters of the alphabet. She'd never seen this book, she just thought them up as she went through the alphabet. 

That resonated with me. How cool to have an easy way to immediately think about our great, big, good, God! When my thoughts sometimes start to spin out of control with worry or fear, God gently nudges my heart with "Who do you serve, Shelley?"

And I can think/pray: "You God. And 


God, you are: Amazing,
                      Beautiful,
                      Caring,
                      Dear to me,
                      Excellent,
                      Faithful,
                     Good,
                     Holy,
                     Incredible,
                     Joyful,
                     Kind,
                     Loving,
                     More than I could hope for,
                     Near,
                     Omnipotent,
                     Purposeful,
                     Quite amazing!
                     Real,
                     Strong,
                     Trustworthy,
                     Understanding,
                     Victorious,
                     Wonderful,
                     eXciting!
                     Young (?) (Ageless) (Y is hard!)
                     Zealous!

I made that list up out of my head just now without looking at the attributes listed in the picture above. Could you tell?;) But, the "real" one above is an amazing list, so use it if you want! Every time I think through the attributes, they are different. And, full disclosure here, I rarely make it through the entire alphabet. But that's not really the point, is it? 

The point is to remind myself of who God is. To remind myself that he is able. To remind myself that He loves me. To remind myself of who I am before Him. To remind myself that our God is incredible. If He is my savior, this creator God is for me (Romans 8:31) and will help (Psalm 121:2).

Sometimes I'm blown away by the fact that I can think about anything I want to. God has given me that great gift. Then I'm blown away even more that I can think and pray, and the creator of the entire universe hears me.

Yes, this one is with me for as long as I'm alive on this earth, and God gives me a mind to think with.

My Tribe's Vibe: The Homestretch

I'm in the homestretch of Write 31 Days.

Homestretches are hard yet hopeful. They're hard because you tend to be weary. A lot of energy has gone into getting you to this place of "almost there." And to get through the homestretch takes perseverance.

They're hopeful because, so far, you've done what you set out to do, and you can see the finish line!

I think prayer is like a homestretch.
It's hard. It takes energy. It takes perseverance.

It's hopeful because we are praying to a great God. A great God who keeps his promises.

So it seems fitting to fill this blogging homestretch with prayers.

In preparation for these last few posts, I glanced through some of my old journals to see if I had written down any of my thoughts on prayer or if I written out any of my prayers. I had. Here's something I wrote back in 2007.

Can you read it?
It says:

June 7, 2007

Convicted today to be thankful  for my husband and my children. I'm always praying "help them" prayers or "change them" prayers, but I've been forgetting to pray "thank you, Lord, for who you've created them to be. Thank you Lord, for their unique gifts and abilities and who you've created them to be."

You wouldn't think I'd forget to be thankful for the unique people I love the most in the world, would you?

Sometimes I forget the really important stuff.

I'm hoping my time in this homestretch will remind me.

Our group climbing the Homestretch on Long's Peak (I didn't hike this, but most of my family did.)

1. • 
     

A Note to My Sons: Of Mustaches and Men

Through my Audible membership, I'm listening to The Great Bridge: The Epic Story of the Building of the Brooklyn Bridge by David McCullough. I'm all over anything David McCullough writes and having words like "Great" and "Epic" in a title make it a done deal. I look forward to the day when I can go back to NYC and re-visit the Brooklyn Bridge. I've been to it once, but I can tell you, after reading about it,  I will appreciate it in a whole new way.

Recently, I heard a couple of sentences from that book that made me think of my boys.

October 2013: Hannah's wedding

They are men  (Luke's 25 and David's 21), but I still call them my boys. Mother's prerogative, right?

The sentences from The Great Bridge that stopped me described a George McNulty, and after googling his name and the words "ablest men on the job," the following page magically appeared on my screen.  I put a blue box around and underlined in red the section that impacted me. (I'm not sure what the yellow highlighted words are about.)

When I heard those words about the not yet thirty George McNulty, (my boys are not yet thirty, too), I stopped the audio, and replayed it a couple more times. 

Then I thought/prayed/whispered the following for my boys:

Lord, may my boys be known as "unquestionably one of the ablest men on the job" whatever job they do. Let this be said about them because they are this kind of man.

It's a mother's hope, prayer and blessing, all wrapped up together.

Followed by and also wrapped up in this, was a little humorous reminder for this mama.

McCullough mentioned that “McNulty…managed to grow an imposing handle-bar mustache.” While neither of my boys have grown that, it’s not because they couldn’t. They’ve both been blessed with their father’s good gift of beardicus plenticus and have proven that fact over the years.

Luke: 2014

David: 2014

Those two used to look like this:

David and Luke: 1996

Not anymore.

My two boys can grow facial hair. It may seem silly, but God used George McNulty's imposing handle-bar mustache to remind me of a simple fact.

My boys are men.

Men I love and pray for.

I'm praying that they are the ablest of men.

A Good Start

I start most every morning with my "quiet time." Since God saved me from my sinful self way back when I was 9 years old - since the blood of Jesus did work in my life - I've known time alone with God sometime during a day was critical. For me, it's first thing in the morning. Because I want to know and love Him more; because I want to "to number my days, that I may gain a heart of wisdom." (Psalm 90:12); because I want to love people more and live well the few short years I have on this earth;  the alarm goes off a little early, and I start my day with God. I read the Bible and I pray. I may have a devotional book handy and Bible websites up and I go back and forth between all those resources.

No two mornings are exactly the same because, well, because, I'm a person and God's a person and we are communicating and communication isn't rote but real and organic. And yesterday morning, it was as real and organic as it gets. He met me in such a delightful way, and I want to share it here.

Because I'm attending a Bible Study Fellowship class, I have a daily reading schedule. Yesterday, it happened to be the day assigned to read the notes provided by BSF on a section we had just studied about the life of Moses. I jumped right into them with barely a "Help me understand this, Lord." However, not far into it,  I felt a check in my spirit. Time with God isn't something to check off a list, but a person to be with. So I stopped and picked up a small devotional book recently given to me by a friend. It's title is His Name Shall Be Called, and it's a Christmas inspirational book that focuses on the names of Jesus.

The fact that it's a beautiful book is a bonus:)

The focus I read was from Jeremiah 50:6

Now for full disclosure.

I read that and causally thought that was nice - and true. Yes, Jesus is our resting place. I even closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths to try to think about it all a bit more. The thoughts expressed in what I just read were good, but they hadn't sent me soaring to new spiritual heights. But at least I had attempted a more relational moment. I didn't know it then, but God was going to use this attempt later. He's good at doing that kind of thing.

I went back to my BSF notes, which I love reading, by the way. They are not a chore at all. So with highlighter in hand and cup of coffee nearby, I began.

I came across a discussion of different levels of knowing someone.

While reading this, I thought of someone I know - one of my heroes in the faith, Elisabeth Elliot. I've only met her briefly at a couple of conferences, but I feel like I know her because I've read almost everything she's written. Because she's elderly (she'll be 88 on Dec 21st) and not in the best of health (and because I'm easily distracted sometimes), I decided to quickly check her website to see how she was doing. I stayed there long enough to see she is still being beautifully cared for by her loved ones and to thank God for her many years of speaking to me through her books and lectures.

Elisabeth check done, it was back to the notes.

It was in this next section of note reading, that I marveled at the tender care of God - the One who knows me best and still loves me most. His taking of my feeblest attempts at devotion and my note reading and my quick website check and then more note reading and weaving them all together to teach me about himself is such a gift from His great and mighty heart. At the early hour of 6:30 a.m., my tired face broke into a ready smile when I read the following:

The reference in those words to the "five young missionaries" refers to Elisabeth Elliot's first husband, Jim, and the 4 other men he worked with. I know this story well. Elisabeth told it in her book Through Gates of Splendor, and it found its way to the big screen in End of the Spear and Beyond the Gates of Splendor.

So, in my notes on The Life of Moses, God brings me back to Elisabeth Elliot and her story and strong testimony just a few minutes after I "checked" on her. If that wasn't enough, God topped it off with the words to a hymn written way back in 1895. Words echoing - reinforcing -  the concept that I had tried to grasp during my devotional time.

Jesus is my resting place.

There it was, printed in black and white. Five missionary men sang that song and rested in those facts as they faced a very uncertain future as far as this life was concerned.

We rest on Thee  -  our shield and our defender!

We go not forth alone against the foe;

Strong in Thy strength, safe in Thy keeping tender,

We rest on Thee, and in Thy name we go.

I was blown away at this point. I wouldn't let my Lou walk out the door until I told him about it. I'm still marveling at it. It wasn't a happy coincidence. It was God meeting me right where I was. 

He's still speaking to me through these truths. He's reminded me in the day since reading all this, that the living of life on this earth - our future - is uncertain. We don't know it. We don't know the joys ahead. We don't know the sadness ahead. 

But we know the One who does. And we can rest on Him and His sure care and love for His redeemed.

As quiet times go, this one was slightly on the dramatic side. But dramatic or not, it's still a time totally worth getting up for.  Meeting with the God of the universe always is.  It's a good start to a day. 

God, Twitter, and Poetry to the Rescue

Anybody who knows me, knows I like Twitter. 

I ridiculously pride myself in being the first one in my family to have a Twitter account - way back in March of 2009. My first tweets were, as you can see, quite profound.

As a gift one year, my friend, Sue Roweton, gave me my tweets in book form - my Twournal. I'm kind of saying that means I'm published;)

Over the years, Twitter has inspired and encouraged me. It's made me laugh and it's one of my go to places for thoughts on breaking news. I also follow my family and friends, which means I get to share in their lives in some small way. 

On the left side of a "home" page on Twitter, there is a column called "Trends." 

It shows what a lot of people are talking about. When I checked that column this morning, I saw it was National Poetry Day. Of course myriads of people would be talking about that! And, I smiled, because I like poems. But who could have guessed that that Trend would save not only one, but two lives today? ;) #seepoem

Not long after I checked Twitter, I was looking at a couple of articles on the web. In one of those, I read some words that really upset me - and from a source that shocked me.  It was the kind of thing that has the potential to completely ruin your day because you can't quit thinking about it. I was thinking, praying, fuming, and everything in between - trying to think rightly about some wrong and hurtful words.

That's when my quirky, sometimes poetic brain started waxing. It strikes me as so funny what all God can use to help us. The hymn, "This is My Father's World," is technically about nature, but a line from it came to my mind when I thought about God's help. The last line of the 2nd verse says, "He speaks to me everywhere."

Today, in helping me sort through my frustration and hurt, God spoke to me through Twitter, National Poetry Day, a little humor and a lot of grace. 

He meets us right where we are.

A Rant

I read a piece of prose today

It made my glad face glower.

Now a beastly battle storms.

My attitude is sour.

Then Twitter tells me great good news;

Today's a day for rhymes!

I'll fume and vent right here, right now

And shun more serious crimes.

I want to bark, "What is up?

What happened to your brain?!"

Feelings flail to hear such hurt

Words cause such bitter pain.

You should have thought before you spoke;

But the damage now? It's done.

What is left is work indeed,

Time to preach to me a ton.

"Tell yourself the truth," I hear.

Opine the opposite thought!

I do. I pray. I try. I start.

God's help is not for nought.

My spirit slowly lifts a bit

The rhyme and time - a balm.

I feel my pressure dropping

And my heart becoming calm.

The offending mouth best be glad

That this process took this route.

My lesser self - my gut and growl

Was ready to take it out.

A Note to My Sons: Future Father's Days

We celebrated Father's Day yesterday.

Since my dad has been gone 10 years now, I spend my Father's Days remembering and celebrating. I remember the good man my dad was and celebrate the good man I'm married to and who is the father of our children. And, I do like many in the Facebook world do, and post something about a father.

August 1, 1987

Obviously a few years old, but one of my favorite pics of Lou with the kids

The posts on fb on Mother's Day and Father's Day are somewhat predictable, but that predictability does not lessen their importance. Hopefully, we are telling those near and dear people how important they are more frequently than once a year, but at least we do it then! Because one of my major identities and roles in this life is as a mom, I couldn't help but think of my two boys, who may someday be husbands and fathers, Lord willing. I found myself praying that when that time comes, their wives and their children would write about them some of the many heartfelt words I read on my timeline yesterday. I'm including just a smattering of those posts I read from Father's Day 2014 below.

I doing that because those posts prompted me to pray for my two boys/men.

Is it premature to pray these kind of things for those who aren't married yet?

I don't typically pray for their future in quite such a specific way. The current day's issues provide more than enough to pray about, don't they? But God directed my heart differently on Father's Day. So, I ran with it. They are my heart's desires. God tells us in Psalm 20:4 - "May he grant your heart's desire; may he bring all your plans to pass!"  I see my words not only as prayers, but also as blessings on them.

"Thanks for being a fun, loving and supportive dad. There is never a dull moment with you. Love you!"
Lord, may Luke and David be fun, loving and supportive dads. May laughter ring through their homes.

"Happy Father's Day to my awesome husband and my wonderful father. You are both wonderful fathers and my children are so blessed to have you in their lives!"
Lord, may Luke and David be awesome husbands and wonderful fathers. May their wives and children say they are blessed to have them in their lives.

"Beyond blessed that my kids get to call this guy daddy!"
Lord, may Luke and David's wives write this about them someday.

"Thankful for wise, steady, faithful Dads in our lives. Forever blessed."
Lord, may Luke and David be wise - may they be saturating their lives in your word even now. May they be rocks that their wives and children can lean on and run to when the hard times come. May they be faithful to their wives and faithful to their children even now - with their eyes and with their lives. 

"Happy Father's Day to my favorite guy and the only one crazy enough to journey through parenthood with me! We are grateful for your love and leadership in our home..."
Lord, may Luke and David find wives that embrace the craziness of life. May they love, laugh, cry and pray with someone who seeks you with all their heart and soul and mind. May my boys seek you with all their heart and soul and mind. May they lead on their knees.

"I am so very grateful for my dad. One of the best men I know."
Lord, may Luke and David be known as good men because they are good men - like their dad.

"My Daddy has been a Godly example of how a father should train up his children. I love you, Daddy, and I thank God for you."
Lord, please, may Luke and David be Godly. May they train up their children in the way they should go. May their wives and children say with full hearts, "I love you, Daddy, and I thank God for you."

This mother certainly says, with a full heart, "I love you, Luke and David, and I thank God for you."

David and Luke