My Tribe's Vibe: A Headphone Manifesto

Well, just so you know...some of my adult children don't agree with some parts of my vibe on this topic today and did not agree on it back when. When this debatable topic comes up now,  I remind them that they can do things totally different with their kids. That's when they remind me, they will.

Good naturedly, of course :).

When our children were living under our roof, headphones (earbuds, etc) were absent, both in our home and in our car. Even on long trips. Like across Kansas. 

Before I say why we did that, I want to clarify something. 

I don't hate headphones. I have some and enjoy them. But when we started this parenting journey, and we were thinking about some of the values we hoped to instill in our children, it seemed like headphone use by our kids would hinder more than help us. Why make this parenting thing any harder than it has to be?

So, here's why headphones were absent:

-Lou and I purposely controlled what was played in the car because we wanted to introduce them to different genres and enjoy it with them. We played hours of (mostly) high quality children's music. And yes, even though it was high quality, it drove us to distraction at times. The Donut Man was a go to in this area. We played hours of good radio drama, introducing our children to stories like The Secret Garden, The Chronicles of Narnia, Little Women, and The Back of the North Wind. We'd also listen to Christian, Rock, Christian Rap, Classical and Country music, always monitoring the lyrics, because lyrics matter! We listened to favorite comedians. We listened to hours upon hours of Adventures in Odyssey, a family favorite to this day.

-Listening to all the above together gave us a shared memory. Conversations today are still peppered with quotes from things heard during car trips past.

-Listening to all the above together - especially the stories and the Odyssey broadcasts - launched conversations about easy and difficult life situations. Discussing how those scenarios were handled before you find yourself in the heat of a similar situation was safe and invaluable for when the real thing came along. 

-We were trying to instill appreciation for others.  I was about to say "appreciation for other's music, but it was more than that. We wanted them to see their siblings interests as...interesting! Each one of our children had their favorite music, and as the children grew older, we'd try to accommodate that preference by giving each one control of the music for allotted amounts of time. And so, for instance, Luke, who is 9 years older than Mary Grace, would get to hear what she liked, and she would get to hear what he liked. When he was 16 and she was 7, that was very different! But I hoped they learned a little about give and take and about patience. It certainly kept the music in the car varied! 

-We wanted them to be present. We didn't love them retreating into their own world when others were around. We didn't want them to miss out on the ambient conversation. It's not like we were trying to say a bunch of profound things, we were just talking. But when you listen to others talk - even when they aren't talking to you - you pick up information about life and relationships. 

Because our children had never known anything different, this was not a big issue in our home, especially when they were small. As they aged, they would plead the headphone cause on occasion. Quite emphatically, too. So, Lou and I would revisit this issue when we were alone, and we always ended up where we started. In our family, no headphone use was a good thing. This was a big issue for us. And we liked where we stood.

Now that everybody's post high school age but one, we basically have a no comment policy on their use or non-use of headphones. (Well, I think if we were riding in the car somewhere together, and they started to put their headphones in, I'd pull the mom card, and say something.) They are adults and I hope they enjoy their headphones and are thoughtful, wise, and relational as they use them.  

If they happen to read this post and have forgotten the why behind the strict headphone policy we had when they were growing up, now I have refreshed their memory.

I hope they know it was strictly because we loved them.

Whatever your policy is about headphones, it's because you love your crew, too. Please know I mean no condemnation if your policy is diametrically opposed to ours. My heart is to provide a springboard of ideas for those a parenting step or two behind me. 

InstaFriday- First Week of February

Technology never ceases to amaze me. As I type, I am sitting next to Lou B in his comfy TL and we are en route to Columbia, MO. I'm all set up with a personal hotspot, thanks to my iPhone and the fact that we have used hardly any data on our phone plan (so I can drain that bank because the cycle ends on the 9th - Score!)

Again, wow. And...spoiled. I am spoiled. Did I mention my heated seat is on, too? I am a thankful spoiled, if that helps at all.

Anywho, back to the task at hand. Time to document, forever and for always - or at least as long as electricity and the internet lasts - my first full week of February that was caught by the lens of my cell phone.

Last weekend, my man and I headed to Branson, MO, for our church's annual marriage retreat. Lou B and I have attended this for 15 out of the 17 years that it's been held. Always a good, strengthening time for us. Plus, we get to hang out with good friends. And we laugh - a lot.

I doodled a little bit...

Connie and Kerrick.............................................Tom and Polly

We had to leave the retreat a smidge early because two of our girls (and the rest of the Bolivar Libs) had a 12:30 indoor soccer game. This was my first time to watch a soccer game with walls.

I. am. a. fan.

It's fast. I can see the whole field (we watched from the upstairs bleachers). The bounces off the walls really add to the game. And there's a penalty box where those who get called for stinky fouls go. Drama!

Will vanHoornbeek, Mary Grace, Grace vanHoornbeek, Elizabeth

Come Monday, the morning commute to Bolivar Middle School at 7:30 a.m. resumed. Just east of the square, we see this. True to form, I took advantage of my surroundings to teach a little punctuation and grammar. AHHHHHHH!

This is painful

Also true to form, Lou met with the brothers via Skype for a little discussion of a book by one of our favorite authors, Tim Keller. Yet another wonderful use of technology.

Tuesday, I also got to hang with two of my favorite people for a couple of hours. We caught up on life  and served the best nachos and popcorn this side of the Pecos River.

Tuesday we also smiled when we watched ESPN because we caught a glimpse of our David on the highlights of Arkansas' win over Florida.

I think they were a little excited

Wednesday night, Elizabeth was inducted into the National Honor Society. Faith, already a member, was there to pose in the sister pic.

Speaking of Faith, she and two of her buddies, Isaak and Stephen, were one of 10 acts to perform in the Bolivar High School talent show. They performed "Little Talks" by the group Of Monsters and Men. I'm totally biased, but it was totally awesome. To take a listen, click here.

We were all so excited, Luke came up from Fayetteville, my mom braved the rain and cold, and I let Mary Grace skip all her morning classes to cheer her on!

On our way to Elizabeth's basketball game on Thursday night, this made us ooh and aah. Thank you, thank you, God, for this kind of beauty evening after evening after evening.

I know I started this post en route to Columbia, and I had to rig my phone to have a personal hotspot, but I'm ending it in my home - my personal heart spot.

I'm with those I love.

I hope you get to spend time with those you love in the days ahead.

Thanks for stopping by!

Blessings!

Follow Through Friday- Music

This sampler my mother made hangs in my piano/living room. Its truth and beauty speak to me, and I notice it often when I go into that room. What a gift God gave us in music! It is a language of my soul, and a language I'm thankful my mother made me learn to speak as well as enjoy. Like many of you, I started the dreaded piano lessons while in elementary school and took off and on for seven years. Seven years sounds like enough time to be pretty darn good, but I'd probably leave off the darn and just say pretty good with a bit of hesitation in my voice while still trying to sound somewhat complimentary. Let's just say I could play about anything I want if I was willing to plod through a bit. It wouldn't come easy - and 16th notes and triplets still make me nervous.

I find I play in spurts. When life feels a little out of control, I tend to play more. I think the combination of the  beauty of the music and the fact that I am in control while in front of those keys is just the salve I need at those times. (If I'm particularly agitated, Prelude in C# Minor, an old recital piece, provides the perfect combination of pounding and pessimism.       http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IlDxUyQVB0 ) Mostly, these days, I peck away at Clair de Lune - so haunting, so beautiful.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlvUepMa31o   I also bought the music from the movie Pride and Prejudice a couple of years ago. I want to learn to play it. Maybe that needs to be a Follow Through...  

Singing has been another musical outlet. Although publicly, that has waned in recent years. In fact, the last time I sang at "big church" was the Sunday before my dad died seven years ago this March. He and my mom had been begging me to sing "My Forever Friend" - a song they love. It really wasn't my style, but I love them and sang it that Sunday, dedicating it to them right before I sang. Turns out that a gift to them was really a gift to me.  

When I was even younger, I did the wedding circuit. I think the first wedding I sang in was my sister's in 1978. I think the last was Beth Falcone's - can't remember the date. Both of those couples are still married - kind of feels good to begin and end on a positive note. 

One of my most memorable singing performances happened on a Thursday night at Thursday Musicale - a ladies music club I belong to. I was pregnant with either Luke or Hannah. It was Broadway tunes night, and I and two other pregnant ladies sang "I Can't Say No!" from the musical Oklahoma. If there has been a night at that club where we've all laughed harder, I don't remember it. 

Obviously

And just like I took piano lessons, I took a few voice lessons also - compliments of my parents. They loved my singing so, they even paid for them after Lou and I were married and moved to Bolivar. While cleaning out the music cabinet, I found the following sheet with my voice lessons for the week. (I can't for the life of me remember who I even took voice lessons from!)  There was also a little reminder at the bottom.  

Music & Medicine

Even though I don't remember my instructor's name, I do remember that the stomach surgery issue wasn't for me! I must have also asked for info about the Guidance and Counseling program at SMS. I did end up taking a couple of classes in that field the first year we were here. And, I have been singing to my teeth ever since I saw this!

Well, it feels like I got a bit sidetracked chronicling the actual Follow Through project. It just didn't seem noteworthy to describe how I organized and arranged all this music.  Finding these bits of my history were so much bigger for me than actually getting a clean cabinet. You talk about what's really important to you.  But, the great thing is - I got an organized area to boot. Now I know what I have and where to find it. That makes life a lot more harmonious.

Ahh..

Uggh..

Next week: I know this is vague, but I can only say that I have a major loose end to tie up in regard to a project I've been involved with for about 4 years. I'm not really sure how I'll describe the resolution next week, but I need this deadline to overcome my inertia in regards to it.