"I'm about to crack." Those were the words I said to a dear friend when she called about 8:10 this morning.
Today began like most days. Out of bed at 5:45 a.m.ish, to the laundry room to start a load of Mt. Neverest, and then, to my chair with my coffee to spend time with God. Since it's April 13, I turn to #13 in this book.
Incomprehensible. I need that reminder today of how big God is. God speaks to me through Job 5:8 especially.
"If it were I, I would appeal to God; I would lay my cause before him."
I can take my cause, my world, my feelings, my schedule, my children, my marriage, my time, my heart, my hopes, my dreams, e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g, to him. Appeal to him. Lay them before Him.
Because I need help. I feel overwhelmed. And sad. I can tell right then that today will be a battle for joy. I'm going to need to preach to myself today - a lot. I keep reading. The scripture for today is from Luke 16. It's about a shrewd, albeit dishonest, manager. How ironic. I'm feeling like a failure in managing my household. What's God saying to me? I wrestle, read, pray, "Show me you, God. I'm laying my cause -me-before you. Help me. I'm appealing to you." Wrestle, read, pray.
The noises start filtering down from upstairs and I know the girls are up. My time in the Word comes to an end.
Battle. Battle. Battle.
The late start Wednesday morning routine continues. Lou is making pancakes. That right there, a husband who likes to cook, who is making breakfast for the family should shake any feelings of sadness. Nope. I hate this! I have absolutely no reason to be anything but happy and thankful. Battle.
At 8:10, the phone rings. I hear a dear friend's voice say, "Do you have time to ride today?"
Nope. But then it occurs to me. Lou's home. He can see the kids off. I don't really have time to ride, but I could go walk right now. I can walk, get back, and get cleaned up before we need to leave for Springfield at 10 for Mary Grace's violin lesson. My friend can go with me, but being the sensitive soul she is, says, "Would you rather be alone? Sometimes when I'm about to crack, I need to be alone."
No, thoughtful one, girl time would help.
It does. She listens. She talks. Both encourage my battling heart. As I reflect on that time with her, these verses come to mind.
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. Proverbs 25:11
But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. Hebrews 3:13
Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. I Thessalonians 5:11
And we walk. 50 minutes worth. It feels so good. I haven't been able to exercise lately, which is a downer as well as a downer producer. Exercise starts those endorphins flowing. I'm feeling better, stronger. Thank you, God.
For your Word, my friend's words, and a glorious walk.
You heard my appeal.
You have equipped for the battle.