A Note to My Daughters: Delight and Disappointment

This past Sunday, I had conflicting feelings. I was delighted and disappointed - all at the same time.

Knowing my girls might have those two feelings walk hand in hand sometime in their future,  I wanted to let them know what I did with that tricky situation.

First, let me set things up.

We came home from lunch and my three youngest daughters started making plans to play tennis. Of those three, we have one tennis player (Mary Grace) and two tennis attempters (Faith and Elizabeth). My tennis player had texted a couple of other tennis player friends to see if they could hit with her while the attempters whacked the ball around, but Memorial Day festivities were in full swing for everybody, and nobody who could actually hit a tennis ball was available. It would just have to be the three of them.

I could hear the happy chatter coming from the upstairs as they decided who was going to wear which cute tennis skirt. Elizabeth was the first down and as she was filling up her water bottle, I casually wondered out loud if I should go and hit with Mary Grace to give her more of a "real" workout. Elizabeth, very kindly, said, "I don't know. You could ask her."

And it was then I immediately knew I shouldn't ask her.

Their tennis outing on Sunday wasn't about tennis or any kind of real workout. It was about three girls being together on a beautiful Sunday afternoon. It was about riding to the courts with the windows down and the music turned up. It was about being with one of their kind. And while I'm dearly loved by all of them, it was time to be mom-less.

Hence the tinge of disappointment for me. And it really was just a tinge. Quickly chasing that tinge was the delight I felt for them. These three, though vastly different from and sometimes pretty annoying to each other, were seriously enjoying one another's company. They were bouncing through and out of the house feeling young and pretty and independent. And close. Like sisters.

Seeing your children enjoy each other brings a happiness to a mom's heart that's difficult to surpass.

So there I was, genuinely delighted and slightly disappointed - all at the same time. Which brings me to what I really want to say to my girls. And, even though my oldest, Hannah, was enjoying time at the lake with her husband when her sisters were teaching me this object lesson, she's on my mind as I type.

Don't base what you do and how you act on your feelings. You can have more than one at the same time. You can have one feeling one minute, and a completely opposite one the next. If you go down the feeling road, you will say and do things you regret.

Tell yourself the truth and act on that.

I'm pretty confident that none of my girls knew I was slightly conflicted on Sunday, which is such a success for me. Believe me, there have been many occasions when, because of fear and/or hurt feelings, I have "spit in their soup." I could have done some serious spitting in their little tennis outing if I'd "jokingly" said  something to the effect of, "Go ahead and have fun! Don't mind me here all by myself."

How nice it was to send them off with, "Have fun!"

"Have fun, my young and pretty and independent girls!"

Faith, Elizabeth, Mary Grace

Smile for the Camera!

It's Mother's Day 2014, and if your family is like my family, you might be snapping a few pictures today.

As I was thinking about that fact, it reminded me of one of the earliest posts I ever wrote (published in January 2011). It focused (pun intended) on parenting and picture taking, which are pretty appropriate thoughts for Mother's Day. I'm not exactly sure what the "rules" of republishing a blog post are, but I figure the blog police might be lenient on me cause it's Mother's Day. :) And, according to my blog stats, it wasn't widely read (26 views, to be exact). Yikes! I'm telling myself that happened because it was one of my earliest posts and not because it was that terrible. 

With that said, I hope you smile just a little when you read the following: A little something about parenting, picture taking, and people I love. 

This pic was taken in the early summer, before Mary Grace entered the world of braces. I saw it for the first time about a week ago when I was turning on my mom's ipad. It's her wall paper.

     It's now one of my favorites. And, once I saw it, I made a mental note: "use on your first parenting-oriented post."

     "Parent." How can the word that describes such a big job only have six letters? If I could give it a hashtag on twitter it would be

#youarenowcompletelyresponsibleforanotherlifeyoubetterdoagoodjobortheywillberuinedforever.

     Well, at least that's how I feel some of the time. Which brings me to the two poems that follow this introduction. For whatever reason, my mind jumped to writing these as I was looking at this picture. At first, I was only going to write one - the more serious one.  My bent is to seriousness and "Take Two" reflects what I feel at my core.  But the lighter one has also been true for us. Now, I don't remember the circumstances around taking this particular picture. I don't remember anybody being bent out of shape because I was taking it. But there have been picture-taking times when people have been unhappy about it and forced the smiles.

     So it is with parenting. Different days bring different "takes." They are all real - no denying that.  But they are all God given gifts, designed for his glory and our joy. I'll take that.




                                                                                     Take One    

I made them pose beside the door,

Could you believe it caused a war?

They smile so sweet and look at me,

But thoughts inside we do not see.

What’s really going through their mind

If written here, would not be kind.

They want to get this over soon

Their show’s on pause in the other room.

They humor me, they often do,

And I assure, “We’re almost through!”

The button clicks, they see a flash,

The smiles are gone and off they dash. 

 Take Two

Can those fourteen eyes possibly see

What they do to this heart in my chest?

It beats, it pounds, it swells, it breaks,

For those souls I love the best.

I study those faces and remember days

That I lived together with them.

The bond of blood, the bond of time,

May those memories never grow dim.

I've laughed, I've cried and felt such angst

Could our smiles fade to that black?

They do, they touch, but they don't stay.

Forgiveness and love bring them back.

God, thank you, thank you, my mouth stumbles to say

What is felt in the depth of my being.

Those lives are a gift given to me

I wouldn't believe, but for seeing.

Some Before Easter Thoughts

Today, I landed on a word I don't typically contemplate.

Agony.

It all started when I came across this tweet from Desiring God.

Desiring God ‏@desiringGod  5h

Today is Maundy Thursday. When Jesus prayed the world’s greatest prayer. http://dsr.gd/1h4UeCm 

That's a big claim, and I had to check it out. You can read the article for yourself here.

In the article, the emphasis is not on the Last Supper, which is what is typically talked about on the Thursday before Easter. It's on Jesus' prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane.

Here's what Hebrews 5:7 said about that prayer:

 Hebrews 5:7 says, “In the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to him who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence.”

The first thing that hit me about this passage was why Jesus was heard. It was because of his reverence. If you look up reverence, you'll find words similar to:

 a feeling or attitude of deep respect tinged with awe.

That was my first check of the day. 

When I pray, how do I approach my creator God? 

It was my first check, but it hasn't been my last. Even as big as that question is, it took a back seat when I read the rest of the article. In it was this paragraph:

Nothing in Jesus’s experience comes closer to this description than the prayers of Gethsemane. “Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears,” corresponds emotionally to Luke 22:44, “Being in agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.” “Loud cries and tears” is a description of the “agony” of Jesus.

When Jesus was in the Garden, he was in agony. 

Agony.

There was no physical pain yet, and the Bible says he was in agony. I saw this picture on A Holy Experience. Out of all the ones I saw when I googled "Jesus praying in Gethsemane," this one spoke to me.

So all day, off and on, at random times, I would think of Jesus in the Garden in agony. What does that mean? What exactly was he agonizing over?

The article describes aspects of it, and I encourage you to read the article for yourself to go deeper. 

But I thought I caught a glimpse of at least one possible aspect of his agony when I was taking a few minutes today to read the book my Luke gave me for Christmas. In Malcolm Gladwell's David and Goliath on page 148, Gladwell quotes J. T. MacCurdy, who said, "We are all of us not merely liable to fear, we are also prone to be afraid of being afraid."

When I read that, I thought maybe Jesus was a little like me. Did I really just type that? Jesus like me? Only in the sense that he was somehow fully human and I'm definitely only fully human. In my humanness, I have a time with the "before" to something that is predicted to be sad or hard. Can I do it? Will I do it, or will I chicken out if an "out" presents itself?

It hit me when I read the above quote, that Gesthsemane was the pinnacle of a complete week of  "before" for Jesus. He knew Friday was coming. A day that would be sadder and harder than any day before or since. I believe he was just as human as you and me (although I don't understand that fully) and that part of his agony was:

Can I do it?

Will I do it, or will I chicken out?

The "before" something has its own set of issues that God has to help us with. He helped Jesus in the Garden.

Please know I don't pretend to have this completely figured out. I don't even have it completely thought out. I just wanted to share what God and I have been bouncing around in my soul today.

Today. Tonight. When a little over 2000 years ago, he was in agony. 

Agony.

Because he loved you and me.

Flying, Growing, Helping

When I was younger, I had some thoughts about how I would act and what I would say when I got older. One thing I used to get tired of was "old" people talking about was how fast time flies. Another  popular topic with the "elderly" was how much a child had grown. I felt if you talked about those topics with some frequency, you were officially old.

I am officially old. Time is flying. I mean, really flying. How is it possible that it is April already! And when I see young people that I haven't seen in a while,  I can't help but remark about how much they've grown.

Somebody help me!!!

I also annoy myself when I talk about how old I'm getting. Why do any of us do that? If we can talk about that, we're alive, for crying out loud. God has given your heart another day to beat. Quit commenting about how old you're getting - like that is some terrible thing - and live the moments you have to the glory of God and do something good in this world!!

I'm wondering if you can tell I'm preaching to myself today!

Today - which is a gift from God intended for His glory and our good. And He's given us all kinds of interesting things to fill those days. No day is ever the same, is it? God knew that would drive us all crazy. So, we have this rhythm of daily highs and lows juxtaposed to a relationship with a faithful unchanging God, who loves us and gave himself for us.

He so knows what we daily need and promises to help.

He's helped me this past month.

He's helped through the highs and the lows. Sometimes I wonder about when you look at my InstaFridays (or in this case, InstaSunday) that it mostly looks like I live in the "highs," but you know I have my share of "lows," right? I just typically don't feel like taking a picture of those. Who does?

God sees them, though and helps me with them. I'm very real with God - a "no holds barred" kind of pray-er. Believe me, he hears about my lows. I also have a kind husband and dear friends who often see and often hear about my lows too, and they help me with them. I know God helps you, too.

On the good note of God's help, I'll move on into my InstaFriSatSun pics. Even though it's been about a month (again!) since I last posted, I'll spare you a month's worth of pictures, and just hit the last week or so.

A dear sister-in-law, niece, great niece and great nephew came for a brief visit. I happened upon this snuggle time between 2 year old Naomi and our Elizabeth.

Want to know a delightful way to spend 24 hours? Head to a weekend retreat with 4 people you love dearly. Like 4 amazing daughters.

Mary Grace, Hannah, me, Elizabeth, Faith

At our Measureless Love retreat, we were encouraged to write verses on this strip of black paper that covered one wall. Elizabeth wrote this, which I immediately recognized as one of Lou's favorite verses. She didn't know it was a favorite of her dad's when she wrote it, but she does now.

We've started the beginning of the end with my senior, Elizabeth. The annual Rotary dinner where seniors who have excelled academically are recognized was Monday. She smiled purty when I told her to.  :)

Tuesday was "get the dog bathed" day. I love our dog, Kiowa, everyday, but I love, love, love her when she is fresh from the groomers.

At the beginning of soccer season, I had what I thought was such a school spirit filled idea. I was gonna post a clever picture every game day on Instagram that was a "Go Liberators! Beat (insert opponent here)!" kind of deal. I was hoping to have a little fun and elicit an eye roll or two from my kiddos. I posted this one on Monday:

I liked it ok, mainly because not too much of me was showing and it was funny and fierce. Such a deadly combination.

On Tuesday, we were scheduled to play Logan-Rogersville, which is usually abbreviated  LogRog. This was all I could come up with on Tuesday.

It seemed a bit lame instead of clever, and the whole vibe was not as fierce looking as the above eye picture. And I could not come up with a catchy caption! So, I'm saving the school spirit for the game and sparing the Instagram world of my lameness...

Speaking of Instagram, I hoped I helped everybody who follows me avoid the little phone adventure we had at our house this week. Our Faith took a fun bike ride to the park.  She went there with her phone, but unbeknownst to her,  she didn't leave there with it. Thankfully, she didn't have her phone on silent, but on a loud obnoxious ring, which, when we heard it right before we found it, was not loud and obnoxious, but music to our ears!

And now,  her "Find my iPhone" is on instead of off.

Our family enjoyed a walk down memory lane this week when my sister-in-law, Dona, brought home a bunch of vintage pictures she came across while visiting other family in Tulsa. The kids' main comment was how weird it was to think that their dad was ever really that little. Here he is in the early '60's with his older brother.

So adorable.

Mike and Lou

Those pictures sparked a bit of a kick to look at other old pics, and Dona and I ran across this from September 1994.

Me and Dona Ann

Here, I'm 6 1/2 months pregnant with Faith, and my sister-in-law, Dona,  is 8 months pregnant with her second son. To this day, I have yet to see anyone who was bigger than her at term.

This past Thursday was National Sibling Day, and since we were in old picture mode, I used my phone to take another picture of an old picture and posted this of me and my siblings.

I told my girls it's the only belly shirt they'd ever see me wear.

Keith, Hugh, Andy
Me, Kathy

Thursday was also "eat out at The Tea Garden Cafe and be served by the best waitress around" day. Well, it was that day in our family, at least.

Mom, Faith, Dona

We ended the week with how we spent most of this week - at soccer. The Lady Liberators played 6 soccer games in 7 days - which means I watched 6 soccer games in 7 days. I know they are tired because I am tired. We've had a great start to the year, and are having a blast. I'm especially proud (and sentimental) about the senior girls. They are a tight group and are leading well.

Elizabeth, Emma, Shelby, Jessica

I think those girls would say these last couple of months are flying by, but they are squeezing all the joy they can out of them.

Let's do the same this week. Time is flying. Kids are looking older, but there's lots of joy to be squeezed.

And a great big, loving God to help.

Blessings to you and yours!

InstaFriday. Ok, InstaSaturday. Ok, InstaMonth.

Lawzee! It's been a month of Sundays since I last posted.

I'm catching up and catching my breath!

What did the last month look like through the lens of my cell phone (and, I must confess a few pics from my real camera)? Well, appropriately enough, it's mostly full of sweet and sassy females, since those are who live in our house right now.  Makes you want to say, "Lord, give Lou strength," doesn't it?

I think we keep him smiling most of the time. Hope a pic or two to follow brings a smile to your face!

As is her custom, our Elizabeth is snapping pics left and right and often grabs somebody to join her. I found this on my phone's lock screen one day.

I love her - and I think she has pretty eyes.

These next couple of months will probably be "Elizabeth heavy." She's my senior, so we're in last hurrah mode. This was our last time to play in one of my favorite venues in Springfield, MO. Central High School's "The Pit" is definitely from the old days, but aside from the really uncomfortable bleachers, I love it.

The girls in green were there to cheer our favorite Lady Liberator on.

Dona (Lou's sister),  Erin (good friend), and yours truly

Our last regular season home game is "Senior Night." The seniors are escorted by their parents as a brief bio is read about them and their future plans. All the girls, including Elizabeth, ended theirs with words about "marrying the man of my dreams and living happily ever after."

After the introductions, we got to watch a little basketball. Nobody is more pesky on defense than our girl.

Ok. This next picture is hilarious.

Did somebody throw frowning powder over the crowd?

Even Hannah and Alex, the happy newlyweds, aren't smiling

Our local radio station interviews each of the senior girls after the game. A fun little perk of a small town and a locally owned radio station.

I have no words for that bun...

Come Sundays, words that remind me of life giving truth get flashed before my eyes. So very, very grateful for that weekly reminder.

Good thing He doesn't, because I sure do.

Sunday nights this winter, Elizabeth, Mary Grace and teammates have been kicking around the soccer ball.

Indoors.

Mercifully, comfortably, indoors during this long arctic winter we've had.

Hannah, Elizabeth, Grace, Brionna, Mary Grace, Julianne

With Luke living in LA now, I totally rely on my phone for glimpses of him. The couple I've gotten this month are just a tad different. An aspiring actor needs to rock completely different looks, right? Love, love that boy either way.

Via text 

Sweet words from sister to brother are pretty precious, too.

One of the highlights of late February was heading to Colorado Springs to attend the graduation of our Faith from Discipleship Training School with YWAM (Youth With a Mission). We had to wait till 5 pm to see her the day we arrived, so we enjoyed a hike at the beautiful Garden of the Gods.

We weren't the only ones enjoying the banner weather in the Garden. This is just a little too ambitious for my blood.

The YWAM graduation was a worship experience - encouraging and convicting. To observe the passion of young people on fire for God and to hear their testimonies is powerful. God is alive and at work!

Faith made lifelong friends

While in The Springs (do I sound like a native?), we stay with some lifelong friends of our own. And boy, do they know how to spoil ya. Nothing like a little Ghiradelli chocolate on your pillow. Thanks, Don and Naomi, and Darrell and Denise!

Once home, Faith shared some Lebanese coffee with us. A little thicker than I typically like, but good in a different, I'm-gonna-try-to-like-it kind of way.

Grandma is very glad Faith's home

I have to include this next picture because it is so, so typical - especially on Sunday afternoons. Sunday afternoons were created for guilt free napping. Add the warm sum streaming in on a cold winter day, and oh my. Heaven on earth.

And I'm not the only one who thinks so.

Sneaky Mary Grace snapped this;)

This past month Lent began, which means one of my favorite decorations came out. I need the reminder that all the joy and grace on this earth and all that is promised me forever came at a very, very high price.

Got this from Ann Voskamp. See "A Holy Experience." 

And as we approach Easter, we are finally starting to see this! Spring has sprung!

Doing a little spring cleaning this past week, I found this. How I thank God for Elisabeth Elliot. She is one of my spiritual mothers. I wrote her once, and she wrote me back and included her autograph and her prayer. These are at least 20 years old. I treasure them.

My man and I had a date this past Wednesday and hit Zio's Italian Kitchen. You get crayons there so you can put important stuff on the paper that covers their tables.

I follow Jon Acuff on twitter and Instagram (and you should too…so funny and motivating). He instagrammed this new Legacy app. It's a countdown to important events and its goal is to remind you to make the most of your limited time with the ones you love. I like it.

At this point, if you're familiar with my family, you might have noticed that one kid is missing from this little "catch up" post. I noticed, so I texted our David and said, "Hey! I've forgotten what you look like! Send me a pic!

Here's what I got.

What a completely adorable goofball. Love him and miss him.

Whew! I'm done, and I feel slightly caught up. Thanks for coming along for my Instamonth. Hope you smiled a little and were encouraged. Encouraged to stop, and remember the ones in your life that you'd fill your InstaFridays with.

Let's thank God for the incredible gifts they are. None of the people who God has us traveling this earth with are always easy or convenient, but then, neither are we. We're all beautiful messes, so let's give each other a lot of grace!

Blessings to you!

Waxing Poetic for Valentine's

Valentine's Day

There is an art to this day of the heart

When paper and pen often meet,

When lovers extol from the depths of their soul

And there's chocolate, yes chocolate, to eat!

There is real reason for red rose season

When florists stand hours on their feet

When ribbons are tied and no flowers have died

And there's chocolate, sweet chocolate, to eat.

There is some sadness around the love madness

When a card or a kiss would be neat,

When they are a-lacking, the heart starts a-cracking, 

But there's chocolate, dear chocolate, to eat.

There is a healing at a wrapper now peeling,

When it's off, then your heart skips a beat

When you take that first bite, Oh! such delight,

There's chocolate, my chocolate, to eat.

There is a word that by needs must be heard

When the day is finally complete

When those happy or sad, stay seriously glad

Because there's chocolate, pure chocolate, to eat!

InstaFriday: Hello Again.

A blast from my blogging past! An InstaFriday!

In case you've forgotten, an InstaFriday is a recap of a week in your life all captured by the lens of the cell phone. Oh, our cell phones. Do we live in a different world than we lived in say, 10 years ago, because of them or what! God, thank you for them, and help us be wise with them!

Our week started off with a ball…a fuzzy yellow ball! Mary Grace had a tennis tournament in Joplin, MO. So much fun watching that girl on the court. And so funny when you snap a picture clueless that a reflection snuck its way in.

Watch out for that backhand!!!!!!

And after the tourney, time for inspiration. We went to visit a long time friend who has suffered for years with Multiple Sclerosis. But in the middle of her suffering, she has shone hope, inspired others, and glorified God. And she was honored by being one of those chosen to carry the Olympic Torch as it made its way to Salt Lake City in 2002.

Lou, Robin Creemer, and Mary Grace, holding the torch Robin carried

Sunday, it was time for a little banquet of the Academic kind. These two knuckleheads make good grades and it makes this momma smile. I also smile whenever I open my phone and find it's been commandeered and photographic evidence has been left behind.

Mary Grace has got Elizabeth's back;)

Sunday afternoon was also a nice day! A biking day! The one nice day we've had all this long polar vortex kind of winter!!! It was the first day my Lou got to try out his Christmas present. Can you spot it?

The Go Pro is seriously fun

Our beautiful little park has a beautiful little pond that, despite the warmer temperatures, was still sporting ice thick enough for the ducks to waddle on. I don't remember ever seeing this before this polar vortex year.

I was about ready to shoot the messenger early this week, but a cooler, (and obviously, fatter) head prevailed. Its news was the push I needed to get my rear in gear and resurrect My Fitness Pal. Lou is doing his part to help my cause - he just made a pound cake. Appropriately named, don't you think?

Hanging in the lobby at Bolivar Family Care Center is this throw back of BFCC kids. Elizabeth appeased me by posing just so. My kiddos are in the red.

Her sweet young self is standing on the stairs

Elizabeth is also one to stand by her friends, even when they eat a goldfish just...because. If you see Kacie (or Emma Wall), ask to see the video of the gastric demise of two unsuspecting innocent fish.

Early morning drives to Springfield for violin have their perks. Glory, I get to see some beautiful sunrises! Here, Venus and a sliver of the moon are greeting the sun. God does amazing work!

Did I mention earlier that we are having a polar vortex kind of winter? Good thing my brother, Keith, gave me this hat for Christmas. Have you heard anybody talk about or have you seen anything on tv about some Olympic games about to begin? Good thing my brother, Keith, gave me this hat for Christmas.

Heart my hat. Heart my brother.

It's always fun to open the paper and see a beautiful picture of a happy couple. And when you know the couple like I know this couple, it's double fun.

Double fun (or double trouble) is what you get when these two get together. Elizabeth took this and Instagrammed it on Wednesday. Her grandmother was her WCW (Woman Crush Wednesday). I think they kind of like each other.

Good thing I started the day today by stacking this wood. The calories burned aren't more than the ones I just consumed in the 2 pieces of pound cake Lou just made, but they did cancel out the first bite, so that's something.

Lots of wood means we are enjoying cozy fires. I'm sitting by it as I finish this post. Hope you are surrounded by warmth wherever you are.

Blessings to you as you start your weekend!