Thursday, October 20, 2011

31 Days of Words for the Daily Dash-Day 20

My husband, Lou, left today for a couple of days to attend a meeting in Boston. Maybe blogging about him/us is my way of keeping him close, because I really don't like being apart from him. So, I'm going to share a marriage question today. A question that the Holy Spirit whispered to my heart one day in the early years of my marriage. I didn't hear an audible voice, but there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that it was God speaking clearly to my heart. And He asked me the following.

Is that the kind of marriage you want?

My first sentence on Day 15 stated that I have amazing children. This post is going to state that I have an amazing husband. We've been married for 24 years and I'd marry him again tomorrow. But in the middle of and woven in and out of all that wedded bliss, are days when it was hard to be married. I could point to multiple culprits for those hard days, but the majority had their root in communication issues.

The first time I heard the above question was a day when Lou had hurt my feelings - inadvertently, I'm sure, because I don't think I can remember a time he's ever gone for the jugular with me. And honestly, I don't even remember what the issue was now, but I vividly remember how I felt. Whatever I had shared with him that day, was, in my mind, ignored and/or belittled. So much so, that I remember thinking, "Fine. I just won't share that part of my life with you anymore."

Before that seed of bitterness had a chance to take root and grow into something that could potentially destroy my marriage, God whispered that beautiful question to my heart. "Is that the kind of marriage you want, Shelley?"

That stopped me in my tracks. No. That is not the kind of marriage I want.

I want to share who I am with my husband - on every level. I want to be one with this man. I want to give this man, who I know loves me, the benefit of the doubt. I want to share even though I know this man will hurt my feelings again - just like I will hurt his feelings again. Because guess what?  We neither one are married to perfect people! I'm a sinner. He's a sinner. We mess up. We hurt feelings. We misinterpret words  or actions. We assume. And since we do all that (and more), we must learn the art of forgiveness.

As I typed that last sentence, I noticed that the word forgiveness has as its root word, give. In my hurt, I was wanting to stop giving myself to Lou, at least part of myself. But the word forgiveness, if said slowly and deliberately says just the opposite: for (or pro) giveness. And I want to be for giveness. Especially in my marriage. Especially with the one the Bible says I am now one with.

Now that is the kind of marriage I want.


  1. Found you through "inspired room". Just finished reading this post and am so glad I did. It just cemented how I feel about my marriage to my wonderful man - as he says "you're not perfect, you"re just perfect for me". Now THAT's the kind of marriage I want (and fortunately have)
    Have a wonderful day.

  2. Thanks Heather, for the kind words! I love the "perfect for me" statement!