Wednesday, October 21, 2015

My Tribe's Vibe: A Conflict Closer

A couple of posts back, I talked about the room. The room where confrontative conversations were held.

Ours were/are held in the utility room. I hated those times when I had to look at a child and say some of my least favorite words in the world: "Ok. To the utility room, please."

Please didn't even soften the weight of those words. When those words were said, everybody knew things were about to get serious.

They did, and I'm seriously glad most of those days are behind us. But I can tell you here that we ended every one of those little chats pretty much the same way - a way I would like to commend here.

It's not that I planned long ago that this would be a good way to end our utility room discipline dates. It just organically happened because these words had to be the last words. It was the main take away I wanted our children to remember.

When the discipline conversation was winding down, I felt the need to reassure my child (and me!) of what was most important. I'd say something like this:

"Do you know that everything Dad and I do we do because we love you? Are you 100% sure of that? I mean, you know we are in your corner - we are on your team - now and forever, right?"

They'd acknowledge that of course they did.

Then I'd continue. "We love you. We're not perfect, but we love you and under God, we are doing the best we know to do. 
We. love. you."

With that said, and because nobody felt much like hugging, we'd open the door and let the child retreat to another room. But they retreated with big, true words hanging in the air, and hopefully, landing in their heart.

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